I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. – Luke 15:18 NIV
DISCLAIMER: This is not a portion of the BC Series, which I did mention I would start soon. For those who may not know, BC stands for “Before Christ”. In that series, I will begin to highlight some of my life journey and be open and honest about where life took me. It is coming. As the Spirit leads, I will share. BUT FOR NOW, let’s talk general.
I have had this blog drafted for a while. I sat on it because, let’s be honest, it is not easy to talk about our shortcomings and our struggles. Often times, sharing your flaws is frowned upon. Sometimes, it’s very scary and daunting to put yourself out there, for fear of judgment or ridicule. However, I have always told people that, in this life, you do not go through things just for fun. It is always to help the next person who may be having the same difficulties as you. Iron sharpens iron.
But I love what the word of God says in 2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. As I always says, I am not saying make excuses for your weaknesses. But know that God manifests himself greatly, even in our weaknesses and shortcomings.
Let’s look at the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32. I will not highlight the whole thing, but there are some points that are really important. It is very hard to summarize this story, because there is so many amazing things that took place, but I will try my best!
Essentially, there were two sons, and let’s say a pretty wealthy father. One of the sons, we’ll call him the Prodigal, asked for his share of the property. He left his father’s house to do his own thing. The Prodigal decided to squander all his wealth on worldly things, prostitutes, all that. Eventually, he spent all his money and then BAM, a famine hit and he ended up hitting rock bottom.
He ends up working in a field, feeding pigs and wishing that he could even have a little bit of the food that the pigs ate. If you don’t know, pigs eat very nasty things. The Word says, HE CAME TO HIS SENSES, and eventually decided to return back to his father’s house. He didn’t care if he would be a servant, but he wanted to return. As the Prodigal was returning, his father saw him, and his father ran to him, clothed him with the best and celebrated his return. The Word says, the father rejoices because his son was dead, but is now alive.
Being a prodigal is not easy! A lot of people probably look at The Prodigal and think that he was enjoying himself out there. But he was suffering. Shifting a little bit, that was how it was for me.
In my teens, I had decided that the church life was not for me and I began to do my own thing. For 7-8 years, I had left my church and I was living a sinful life, intentionally, shamelessly. People would see me and think I was enjoying life, but inside I was dead. I was sad, I was down, I was depressed, I was sleepless. There were voids that I was trying to fill, whether with friends, with drugs, with alcohol, with dancing and partying, so many things.
I remember having a lot of rock bottom points in that period. But I remember just partying harder and filling the voids with more self-destructive activity. Just to name a few occurrences, I remember being in an abusive relationship. It was probably the craziest time in my life. From the person stalking me, hurting me, popping up where I was, dragging me, it was a LOT. You would think this would make me turn back to Christ. Nope! I just went deeper into sin. I look back and I don’t even know who I was.
There was a time where I decided to defy my mom’s wishes and moved out. I thought it would bring me peace, but, it was more a nightmare. At the time, where I was staying, I would have a lot of scary dreams. I would have dreams of just flames and fire. It was the most terrifying thing ever. I am still not sure if that was God speaking to me. But until this day, it was a pivotal point for me and I came to my senses. I moved back to my mother’s place.
I remember a friend invited me to Bible Studies. I really didn’t care for church or God for that matter, but I remember going. Honestly, it truly changed my entire life. As I was getting to know Christ for myself, God spoke to me through his word all the time. My Bible studies facilitator was great. He would always give you the opportunity to ask any questions, which allowed me to really learn about Jesus Christ.
I decided to turn back and come back to my Father, my Lord and Savior. God took me back into his arms and kept me safe. He blessed me abundantly in that period, even though I did not deserve it. I could have been dead, I could have been filled with diseases, it could have been bad. But God really took me back in, clothed me with his best and has continued to be with me.
I know this is a long post, but, I want to emphasize a few things. What I love about Jesus is that, he does not impose himself on you. It is a choice. You have a choice. You can accept him or you can reject him. You can try to fill your voids with other things, or you can be free through his love and covering. I am telling you now, the amount of fulfillment and purpose that I have felt in the time I have come to know Christ has been overwhelming. I am not perfect, but I have the perfecter within me and he guides me daily.
There’s so much to say here, but I know I will continue to break things down as we go. I want to encourage someone that:
- Jesus shows his glory and his greatness in your weaknesses
- Jesus is always with you and rejoices when you turn to him
- He will never treat you differently
- He will ALWAYS be waiting for you
- He will not leave you, he will not forsake you
Say this prayer with me:
Father, I have been out and about for a long time. I may be out like the Prodigal was, or I may be sitting in your presence physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually, I am somewhere else. Father, I have sinned against Heaven and against you. I am not worthy of the love you show me, I am not worthy of the way that you have blessed me and kept me alive all the way until now, but Father I thank you. May you help me to come to you and may you receive me with open arms. May you lift every heartache, every pain, every burden and every void from me. May you restore peace into my life. May you help me to know you more. May you lead my path and my steps. I surrender to you. Take over. I cannot do this own my own, I need you. Have your way. In Jesus name. Amen.
Sincerely Yours, Lydia.